Summertime Blues

Do you know that song that goes "And There Ain't No Cure for the Summertime Blues."  Well I am in search for a cure for me as a mom.  It has been a difficult week for me as a parent of a soon to be (not soon enough after this week) first grader. Everyone tells me that this is the age where children test their limits. Well my child has passed that test with flying colors.  I will not list all of the limit testing they have chosen to do this week but I think that this week qualifies as an AP Test with honors for a first grader.  I have tried to find outlets for me this week so I do not go off of the deep end.  I think that my husband is ready to send me to mommy school or to a girls night out with lots of wine a.k.a mommy venting before I cause him to go off the deep end with my venting. Wine is not an option because I am on antibiotics for a cold I had earlier this week which as we all know life does not stop when mommy gets sick and either does the boundary testing. I have tried everything.  I do not know if I am alone as a mommy because I also find myself looking at the calendar and realizing that my little one will also be back in school soon and the time I will have with them will be limited. So although I complain at times about being their "Julie McCoy"-(see an earlier blog of mine)- I had a wonderful day today planned with them. Last night after a week of venting about my child's "boundary testing" i.e. driving mommy crazy with horrible decisions and behavior I asked my husband if he thought it was a good idea if I spent the day with them today taking them to "Build a Bear"-their favorite store so they could use the "fluffing machine" to fluff their bear-this is a tremendous deal to my child and then to lunch. My husband looked at me like I had just told him that I could not wait to spend my day dusting, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming and doing laundry today, that we had won the lottery, I had just seen Bigfoot and that the economy is great all in one look. He brought me back to earth with one look and one sentence which was "really do you think after the week of their actions you should reward them with a great day like that?" Yes I know he is right, but is it just me or do we as mommies of young children constantly watch the clock and calendar and know that time is going by and that someday soon our children would rather do anything than spend a day out at lunch with their mommy and we are trying desperately to beat that clock?  My husband understands that but he is right that our job as parents is to make our child understand consequences for their actions. So instead of a day at "Build a Bear" I am spending my day cleaning house and my child is keeping themselves entertained. I had to start my day today with my child coming downstairs all dressed up for a day at "Build a Bear" and lunch with mommy to tell them that because of their poor decisions this week that we were staying home today. It hurt my heart to tell them that and see their disappointment. I too was looking forward to it. I now have a case of the "Summertime Blues." I have a small window of time that was shut today because of the importance of teaching my child a life lesson. Hopefully the cure to my "Summertime Blues" is that my child will understand the lesson.  Wish me luck!

Mommy Guilt!

Mommy Guilt.  Something I never experienced before I was a mommy and I have been struggling with it all week.  It has come in different forms this week.  My child who is about to go into first grade is in the difficult phase of independence versus dependence. They had a chore chart which went by the wayside about 2 months ago because of the constant struggle to get it completed and the cries of every morning that "mommy I do not know how."  So I have decided to give my child some empowerment and show them how to do the necessary tasks and then tell them that it is their responsibility to complete the tasks. Now before you think that I am Cinderella's evil stepmother there are 2 morning tasks on the chart-get dressed and make your bed. Both seem to be a constant struggle but with a month (39 days but who is counting because I feel mommy guilt for counting) before school starts I am willing to take that battle on.  So this morning I showed them how to make their bed for about the millionth time and then told them to try to do it.  Instead I was greeted with a "mommy I do not know how" throw yourself on the floor and do not watch me show them how tantrum. Now I could have done it for them but I need them to learn so my calm response was " I just showed you, you can do it" and I left the room and went downstairs. The screaming of "mommy you are so mean" instantly started and my mommy guilt set in. I could have gone upstairs and done it but instead chose to turn the radio up to drown out the tantrum-mommy guilt. After about 10 minutes I found quiet-my radio was still up don't get me wrong but upstairs I heard nothing. So I went upstairs to find a made bed, an unhappy child but a made bed. Again the "mommy you are mean" set in. Well the mean mommy felt bad and guilty but then I stepped back and realized I did the right thing because my child needs to learn tasks and it is my job as a parent to show them. I love my mom more than life but unfortunately did not learn how to cook, clean or sew growing up because I too gave my mom "mommy guilt" and she did it all for me. Now with my mom having passed away I have no chance to learn from her and I want my child to learn to do things and be self confident and succeed.  No the bed is not perfect but they made it and that is what counts. As I said my mommy guilt has come in many forms this week. Every morning this "mean mommy" takes my child to an amazing summer camp where every day in their words they "love it."  While they are at camp I have made sure the laundry, errands and cleaning is done but I have also done some things I love. After a summer of 2 VBS camps which I taught at and loved, swimming lessons, art camp, dance class, day trips, play dates for my child I am exhausted. I have loved every minute of it but I am exhausted from fighting with the "I'm bored" monster which to this point I have beat-kind of. Well Monday the "I'm bored" monster comes back for 5 weeks so this week I have read books, walked, ridden the treadmill (it is no longer dusty) and yesterday went to a movie during the day by myself and I loved it!  I had such a wonderful time although my husband thought that was an odd choice of things to do for me. Yes I could have been home dusting and cleaning toilets but I can do that next week while fighting off the " I'm bored" monster. This week I was able to go sit in a cool theater and not be called a "mean mommy" and for 2 hours watch a total chick flick which I loved which is "Friends With Benefits."   I laughed and cried. It is a wonderful movie about relationships and also about parents which I thought was great. Justin Timberlake is great in it too and is great to look at-lets be honest-wife guilt, although my husband understands that Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw and Blake Shelton are allowed for me to look at ;]  While I was sitting in the movie I honestly felt guilty for not being home cleaning while my child was at camp.  Why?  I do not know.  I do not understand mommy guilt. From trying to teach my child how to do age appropriate tasks to me taking 2 hours for me instead of dust,  why can’t I conquer this mommy guilt? Well I have a few hours before camp is over and the "I'm bored" monster shows up so I am going to go have a cup of coffee-in my kitchen and try to breathe and not suffer from mommy guilt for one last day.

Mommy Morning Guilt

Mornings.. Before I was a mom it was difficult to get myself out of bed, dressed and off to work in the morning. Now when that alarm goes off I have the same reaction but a much longer to do list. I get up walk the dog, feed the dog, prepare lunch for my child, plan breakfast, get my child up and dressed, make 2 beds, feed my child, pack their backpack and somehow try to make myself semi-presentable. That is my to do list every morning and although I always think I will be running late I always manage to get it all done somehow. Now that you know my to do list let me share my child's who is going into first grade this year. Get up, eat. Yet somehow those 2 tasks seem enormous to them and daily I find myself getting a preview of the teenage years.  This morning after making my child a beautiful breakfast of eggs, fresh strawberries and a muffin (all their favorites) to start their day on a positive note by doing something nice for them I was greeted by the normal mantra of "mommy you are not the boss of me!" and my all time favorite line of "I am not going to eat and you can't make me." Then after packing their favorite lunch which they ate happily in the past I am greeted with a "yuck." and "how could you pack that for me." Wow!  Well if this was an unusual experience I would attribute their behavior to it being a Tuesday, the heat, the time, is there a full moon?  But it is not unusual.  I have asked for solutions from my mommy friends whose answers have ranged to "not them, they are too sweet to do that" to "my child would never do that" (really?) to "ignore them and let them starve"-thanks to the friend who helps me with that, she is my mommy hero-she knows who she is. While taking all of those suggestions into consideration I still feel so bad if I send my child off for a long day at school or a camp without having them eat breakfast and also in a bad mood. Yes I know that is their choice to behave that way but they forget about the morning's events five minutes after I send them off for a fun day at school or camp and I am left with mommy morning guilt. So although I know right now my child is having a wonderful fun day I am having a day of guilt. My child's guilt is absolved and will be forgotten when they see me later today. My guilt will probably not be resolved until tomorrow morning at this same time after breakfast. 

The Daily Mommy News: No More Mommy Mountains Out Of Molehills!

The Daily Mommy News: No More Mommy Mountains Out Of Molehills!

No More Mommy Mountains Out Of Molehills!

Hi to my "Daily Mommy News" followers.  I apologize that it has been so long since I have written but I will explain. I like most moms I know do not have time do do a lot of things that I love. I am not complaining when I say that. I love my life but in the hustle and bustle of the daily routine something that will only take a minute to do seems like an insurmountable task. I often find myself "making mountains out of molehills." The book that I would love to read collects dust on my nightstand, the treadmill I love to ride also needs dusting, (yes dust is my enemy)  the friend who I would love to call never gets the call because they live in a different time zone. Last week I found myself overwhelmed with life.  Summer is supposed to be a relaxing time bust instead I have found myself busier than I am during the school year and as I look at the calendar the summer is almost over. The breaking point was last week when I was at a doctor's appointment and the innocent woman who was registering me for my medical tests asked me my occupation which I answered as "a stay at home mom."  So she without even looking at me said "so you are unemployed."  Then her follow-up question was " I see you just have the one child?" I simply answered yes and her response was "you are lucky; you must not be very busy." WOW!  Again I described her as an "innocent woman" because she chose the wrong day to say that to me. I replied "well lets see this summer has consisted of two VBS camps, art camp, swim lessons, play dates, and doing everything to keep my child occupied. At the same time I did 5 loads of laundry, went grocery shopping, vacuumed, cleaned the house, took the dog to the vet, prepared 3 meals for my family and that was all before 2pm yesterday so I guess you could call me unemployed and bored."  She just looked at me and unapologetically continued with the registration process.  As I walked away I thought of apologizing for my reaction but instead I felt empowered and proud of myself. Before I had a child I did not know how much fun it could be, even the simple tasks. No I am never bored to say the least because as moms we all know that our children's boredom especially during the summer is the mom's worse enemy. But I love my life. I love being a room mom, team mom, cook, chauffer, activities organizer, nurse, teacher and friend.  Most of all I love being a mom and wife and those roles are the best roles I could ever have. Unemployed? No.  Bored?  Never. Busy?  Yes?  But I love every minute of my Daily Mommy News!  Now I am off to dust-yeah right. I found a better way to dust, I just rode the treadmill!

Lessons from Mom

I still remember the day over twenty years ago when I did not want to go to PE in high school.  I begged my mom to write me a note and claimed I was well enough to go to school but too sick to go to PE later in the day.  My mom refused to write me a note and I also remember feeling like on that day my mom was the most horrible mom in the world for saying no to my request.  So in what I thought was a good idea at the time I wrote my own note and “borrowed” my mom’s signature. I remember for a brief moment feeling so proud of myself because I got to skip PE that day and went to study hall instead. At least I thought that was my destination because after about five minutes in study hall I was called to the Principal’s office and asked to take the telephone.  On the other end was-my mom. The Principal told my mom that this was the first time I had done such a thing and that she was willing to let me go without a punishment if my mom would agree.  My mom said no and asked for the typical punishment which was 8 hours of detention starting at 6:30 am on Saturday. At the time I thought my mom was a horrible person for not listening to the Principal and subjecting me to such punishment.  Fast forward 5 years.  My mom warned me about drinking but one night I ignored her and woke up the next day feeling like death would be a better form of punishment.  I did not get an “I told you so” from my mom.  Instead she took me out to breakfast of pancakes, eggs, greasy bacon and every non night after drinking too much food she could order for me and told me that I had to eat everything even though my head felt like it was going to explode and my stomach was punishing me from the night before.  Again I thought my mom was horrible for doing that to me.

Fast forward over 20 years to this morning. I have become my mother.  My child started kindergarten last week.  Although they love kindergarten it is a 7 hour long school day which has been very hard to adjust to.  This morning as my child was bouncing around the house smiling and laughing and having fun they asked me what I was going to do today and wondered when I would be at their school.  I answered not today and then I noticed an immediate change of mood.  My bouncing child all of a sudden had a headache, stomach ache, their eye hurt, their nose hurt, pretty much every appendage hurt and they did not want to go to school.  The long diatribe of aches and pains continued as I was walking them to the bus stop and my child continued crying through the neighborhood “mommy you are so mean, I do not want to go to school.”  I stayed firm and reassured them that they love school; it was going to be a fun day keeping in mind that my child loves school and the diatribe was designed to result in their goal of staying home.  As the crying continued at the bus stop my heart started to hurt.  My child was going to school feeling like I did twenty years ago in the Principal’s office and sitting at the breakfast table that day.  She was going to think as I did all of those years ago I was the meanest mommy in the world all day long and even though I knew what I did in being firm and making them go to school my heart hurt. After I strongly and firmly with a commanding tone put my child on the bus this morning I walked home from the bus stop in tears even though I knew what I did was right.  So all of these years later I now know that it must have hurt my mom’s heart to have me in detention or eat those foods the next day but she was doing that for my own good not hers. I never “borrowed” my mom’s signature after that and I never drank that much again.  My mom passed away fourteen years ago and honestly I never thanked her for all of the life lessons she taught me.  My mom was my best friend but she also always tried to teach me right from wrong.  Today when I made my child go to school it was hard, I would have loved a day at home with them but I had to teach them a lesson. As my mom always did that lesson was a hard one in my child’s eyes but maybe someday they will look back when they are a parent and understand like I did today.

Not Back To School-Back In Time Please!

Life changes

I have been through many changes in my life.  I have lost loved ones, moved more times in my life than I can count, got married, had a baby, survived breast cancer and many numerous changes that I have been through and although those experiences were terrifying survived.  Another change is just around the corner and I find myself inexplicably terrified of it.  It is a logical change and a necessary one but all of the logic and necessity in the world can not conquer my fear. My child is starting kindergarten in a little over 2 weeks and I find myself trying to spend every last moment with them and although I try not to I find myself thinking of our activities in terms of ‘lasts.” The last time I can take them to the playgroup that they have been in since they were 2, the last time I can take them to a children’s story time at the library, the last time we can go to the park in the middle of the day when everyone is at school-numerous other lasts.  The last 5 years I have been the center of my child’s world, their protector, their friend, their activity planner. I feel like once they board that big yellow automobile that transports them to what feels like a new world to me the life that I have known with them will never be the same again.  Don’t get me wrong I am excited for all of the new firsts for them and they are more than ready to start kindergarten.  I find myself making sure that I do not let my sadness show to my child because I want them to be excited.  I know they will love kindergarten but I am releasing my baby on this world that for 8 hours a day 5 days a week I will not be a part of and that will be the way their life is from now on.  The other day my child was teased by an older neighborhood child and I found myself sticking up for my child because I still remember the pain of being teased as a child. Then I realized that I cannot protect my child from the teasing, the disappointment and the trials and tribulations of growing up all of the time. That hurt my heart.  What further hurt my heart was when we went to Busch Gardens this week and my child told my husband that they wanted to ride the rides by themselves because they did “not need their mommy and daddy anymore.”  A tear came to my eye and I realized that one chapter has closed while another one is opening and although I am excited about it I wish I could overcome the fear. Maybe when I pick my child up from the yellow automobile I will feel better but between now and then I am not ready for the back to school, I wish I could go back in time instead.

The Invisible Mommy

The Invisible Mommy

On some days as a stay at home mom I feel invisible.  What I mean by that is when I was in the “working world” I had goals that were analyzed by my boss on a daily basis.  When I met my goals I was praised and more often than not when the often unobtainable goal was not met I was told that my job might be in jeopardy.  I was fortunate to never lose my job, I left the “working world” when I had a baby to enter the all encompassing working world of being a stay at home mom.  Now do not get me wrong I love my job and I love my four foot tall boss who is about to start kindergarten. But I would love nothing more than not to feel that my work is invisible.  Contrary to popular belief there is not a laundry fairy that swoops in late at night when my family’s clothes are dirty and magically puts them away clean. That same fairy does not also go grocery shopping and magically fill the refrigerator. The vacuum fairy also does not get those magic lines in the carpet my husband loves so much and don’t even get me started on the dust fairy. There is not a cook that shows up at my house and makes breakfast, lunch and dinner nor a service that cleans up the dog business from my yard (yes I recently received a flyer, there is such a business).  There is not a taxi service that shows up to drive my child to their various activities or an event planner that plans those activities. A teacher has not shown up to review reading, writing and arithmetic with my child, I love that I can do that with them I am sure that I have forgotten to mention a few daily things that we stay at home moms do but although it is the most wonderful job in the world it is also the most involved.  I am no longer responsible for my “working world” goals of my past; I am responsible for my child’s future. Don’t get me wrong my husband is great about recognizing what I do all day and he respects me for it but after he has a long day at work and comes home I am waiting for him to notice the lines in the carpet and he is exhausted and while he notices it is difficult for him to realize that is what is important to me to have noticed.  So while on most days I feel invisible I love the visible difference that I can see that I am making in my child’s life and my home.  I never thought that the lines in the carpet being noticed would be so important to me but they are.  So if you know a stay at home mom make sure that today you let them know that their work is not invisible.  I had better go, the laundry fairy just got here and my boss needs help with their crayons and the dishwasher fairy just let me know they are here to do the dishes.

Mommy Friendly Recipe- Peanut Butter and Jelly Cookies that even I a non baker can make!

Hi to all of my Daily Mommy News Friends!  I apologize that my news has not been “daily”. I have been trying to keep mp preschooler soon to be kindergartener busy this summer and as all of your moms know that is a full time job.  Although I love every minute of it as I have said in a past blog being mommy aka Julie McCoy “Mommy What Are We Going To Do Next Director” is wonderful yet exhausting.  On one of those “mommy what are we going to next days” this week I got the bright idea to make cookies with my child. From their excitement you would think we were going to Disneyworld-it is the simple things I love at this age. After my child donned their chef’s hat and apron I was faced with the dilemma of what mommy friendly cookie I could bake.  By “mommy friendly” I mean inexpensive, easy, one bowl, no mixer, all of the ingredients are in the house, no mess and impossible to burn cookies.  As I have said in my previous blogs I am not a baker. I love to cook and I can make my Italian Grandfather’s 20 hour lasagna from scratch recipe (which I will take to the grave with me) and people rave about it but I can burn any baking recipe imaginable.  For example last Christmas I burned Christmas Cookies-the simple sugar slice and bake kind which I ended having to throw out or from a previous blog you know the story of my mother-in-law’s birthday cake which I left in the oven too long and ended up drying out.  So my baking usually consists of slice and bake cookies although I have even burned those more times than I care to admit.  So when I was looking for a cookie recipe I could not find one that met my above criteria so I went to my pantry and saw a bag of peanut butter cookie mix which I think had been up there since before the last Presidential election.  Every time I looked at the bag I remembered my prior baking extravaganzas and the bag went back in the pantry and my “baker” came from Kroger-our grocery store. This week I decided I would not let the bag of cookies with 2 daunting  add in ingredients-water and oil get the best of me and I set out to make the cookies. They actually came out really good-they did not even burn and my husband who has experienced many a burnt cookie and now gives me honest opinions of my baking after 10 years of eating hockey puck burned cookies and saying they were the best cookie her ever had loved them so I wanted to share the recipe with you. My husband even told my child that we could open a baking shop and sell them-that comment made my child proud because they felt that they made this easy cookie recipe all by themselves.  It is easy and meets all of my baking criteria so enjoy!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Cookies

Ingredients: 1 package Betty Crocker (or any variety) dry Peanut Butter cookie mix, water, vegetable oil (according to package) and Trader Joe’s (or any variety) 100 percent fruit Raspberry (or any flavor) preserves-not jelly, jelly will burn.

Directions: Make cookies according to package directions.  After you score the cookies with a fork as it says in the directions then put a small amount-about a third of a teaspoon Raspberry preserves in the middle of the cookie.  Less is better than more on this so the preserves do not burn.  Bake according to package directions.  Do not over bake.  Let cool and enjoy!

Unique Summer Mom

I have been talking to some of my friends who are absolutely dreading spending the summer with their children.  They are dreading the days of hearing the refrain “mom I’m bored” and are trying now even before school gets out scheduling every minute of their child’s summer so they do can avoid that dreaded refrain. First let me be honest. My child has been out of school for 2 weeks now and before they ended school I too was trying to schedule every minute of their summer.  I contacted every camp I could and looked into every class available so I could keep them busy.  This morning I filled in our summer calendar with all of the classes and camps and various scheduled things and instead of feeling relieved that I have scheduled my child’s summer I felt a little sad that I scheduled my child’s summer. My child is starting kindergarten in the fall and as many fellow moms never fail to remind me I will not have the option to spend as much time with them once they start kindergarten as I have since the day they were born. I have this vision of their first day of school when I send them off on the school bus that my heart will be ripped out and life as I know it is over. I keep trying to overcome that vision because I know I will see my child and we will always spend time together just at the end of the school day or during vacations. Yes my life will be different but my sadness is overcome by my child’s excitement about school and knowing how much they are looking forward to it.  It is a little different for me as a mother of an only child because all of the experiences of my child when they were younger are changing and I am starting to see my child as growing up before my eyes.

Last week we had a horrific scare when my child was hit in the head and ended up in the emergency room with a concussion.  Fortunately my child is well on the road to recovery and I have never been so scared in my life to see my child hallucinating and vomiting due to the head injury. I found myself sacred but also realizing that was a reminder that things can change so quickly.  After coming home from the hospital I immediately had to clear our calendar being careful to not remind my child of what they were missing due to us being confined to our home with their head injury unable to be around other children afraid that they would be sad. But my child never questioned me about what we weren’t doing-instead they commented on how they just loved spending the time with me. That proved to be a wake up call to me. In our constant quest to keep our children busy we forget one thing-they are kids and will only be kids for a short time. I honestly do not remember much about my summers at my child’s age other than playing in the sprinklers and spending time with my mom.  I may have gone to other activities but I do not remember.  Although I am looking forward to the activities we have planned this summer I do not want to regret on that day I put my child on the school bus for the first time that we did not do the simple things of childhood-unscheduled, unplanned simply spending time together and not trying to worry about the dreaded “mom I’m bored” and scheduling so much that you do not even hear what your child truly wants which is time with you. Some day in the not so distant future my child will not want to spend time with me, their friends will come first so I am going to enjoy every minute of this summer with my child as a gift not a scheduling challenge.

The True Meaning of Memorial Day

I recently asked my young child if they knew the meaning behind Memorial Day. They answered that Memorial Day was about school being out, barbeques, pool parties and the constantly advertised sales at the superstores.  I could not blame them for answering my question that way because unfortunately our politically correct society has taken away the true meaning of Memorial Day.  Even I when explaining to my child what Memorial Day is about found myself soften the true meaning of Memorial Day so I would not scare them since we have tried not to explain what death is in complete detail to them yet. My child though understands more than we give them credit for and while I was explaining that Memorial Day is a day to remember all of the men and women who have died in a fight for our freedom they answered that the men and women who died “died for the right reasons but other people really hurt them.”  We recently took our child to a World War Two memorial and I was so impressed by my preschooler wanting to know all of the meanings behind all of the exhibits some of which were very brutal depictions of death at the beaches in Normandy. My child loves history which thrills me to no end because my Bachelors Degree is in history.  I have a goal of teaching my child the true history instead of the sterilized politically correct history that teachers are now forced to teach.

What I find though on this Memorial Day my child is not alone. Adults also do not understand the meaning of Memorial Day.  The men and women that fought and died for us have been forgotten and replaced by the neighborhood barbeque. Our country is amazing and we have all of the freedoms that we all take for granted because of the soldiers who gave their lives for those freedoms.  In our young nation’s history some of those men and women chose to fight, others were drafted but their sacrifice was all the same. We as a nation often forget that we are still at war in Iraq and Afghanistan and no matter what your political views on the wars we need to remember that every day men and women are dying and are injured fighting in those wars.  Families lose husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and sons and daughters to keep us safe. 

So today on Memorial Day when you are going to the pool, firing up the barbeque or saving money at the local superstore remember at the very moment you are enjoying the freedom to do so someone died so you could have that freedom.

Go Fish - The Mom Song- A Gift For My Daily Mommy News Friends!-So True!

Cutting state budgets but also cutting our children's future!

I found something out today when I took my child to the library.  With all of the budget cuts in every state recently very few people know that many state librarians who are also teaching our children are also losing their jobs.  My family has been going to the local branch of the library since my child was an infant and has attended the weekly story time since my child could walk.  My child even had a birthday party there and celebrated with all of the librarians. We look forward to going to the library weekly and have made going to the library not only for the books but for the wonderful librarians a part of our weekly routine.  Now my child is ready to start school and will need the library to assist them while they learn to read and get books to assist my child in their education. I was shocked and saddened when I learned from sources at the library that at least 3 senior librarians who have watched my child grow up will be losing their jobs at the end of June due to state budget cuts. I literally cried when I heard that these librarians who have not only helped my family but hundreds of other families will lose their jobs due to the new state budget.  I assume that not only our local branch but also other branches of the libraries will also be losing beloved librarians.  These librarians have the gift of educating not only our children but also adults.  I am literally frightened and in tears when my child is living in a world where the teachers in the school my child is about to start in the fall are losing their jobs due to budget cuts and now the librarians who educate our children are losing their jobs. I understand that budget cuts are necessary but we are not only cutting the state budget short-we are cutting short the future of our children!

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

What do you want for Mother’s Day?  That is a question that my husband asked me last weekend. He followed up that one with the dilemma that he claims he is faced with because my 40^th birthday is in a few weeks so that was a lot for him to come up with ideas for both Mother’s Day and my birthday!  As I tried to hold back the sympathy tears that I had to stifle back for him I said “honey how are you going to handle all of the pressure of shopping for one person!!!!” I say this as the person as all of you moms out there are who are the multi birthday, anniversary and Christmas planner for all of your families and extended families. 

As Mother’s Day quickly approaches (it is 5 days away for all of you dads) I find myself doing my usual making my husband a list, telling him which stores he can go find the items at and getting the coupons ready for him.  First let me clarify my husband is very thoughtful and generous and has gotten me wonderful gifts through the years.  Tomorrow is our ten year anniversary of the day we met and I think back about how when we first met my husband would pick me a flower out of his garden and give it to me to brighten my day. That gesture did not cost a penny but meant millions to me.  Over the years my husband has surprised me with beautiful bouquets of flowers but to be honest they paled in comparison to the flowers from his garden because of the beauty of what he did.

Now as I am sure you can all relate to life has happened. What I mean by that is time-lack of it due to work and family responsibilities has taken away the time necessary to stop and pick a flower.  We actually have flowers in our yard at home which are roses that my husband got me several Mother’s Days ago but unfortunately the rose bushes have died due to lack of time to care for them.  I wish that time could be a present that could come in a box for Mother’s Day.  As I hear all of the commercials for jewelry, flowers and miscellaneous gifts intended for Mother’s Day I find myself wanting to say but not knowing how to put into words those items are not what moms really want for Mother’s Day. I know what I want for Mother’s Day can not be ordered from Proflowers, Kohls or Kay’s Jewelers. As a mom we take care of our children and husbands 365 days a year. One day a year is set aside as a means of thanking moms for the 365 days with a monetary gift or gesture and then the next day life returns to normal.  I could give my husband a list of what I would like this year along with store locations and coupons and I could also call the restaurant that I would love to go to for brunch and make a reservation but today I have decided that I do not want to do that.  I want one day out of 365 that I do not have to plan.  I am the one who plans the holidays for all of our family members and I want one day for someone to plan everything for me. Can planning fit in a box? I do not know. I want to be surprised this year and what would mean more to me than anything is a gift that was planned for me. As I think back 10 years ago I never asked for the flowers my husband picked for me out of his yard and life has changed and now I as all mothers do every year provide my husband with a list.  I have talked to so many of my friends who have gotten their own Mother’s Day presents and told their husbands what their husbands have gotten them.  I do not want that for myself.  I want to be surprised. This is my year of not providing lists for gifts for myself. Everyday of a mother’s life is a to do list. I know my husband will think of something wonderful for Mother’s Day but I want him to think of it this year ;]

“If I Could Write A Letter To Me”

“If I Could Write A Letter To Me”

I love all types of music but one of my favorites is Country Music.  I love the wholesomeness and truth of the lyrics and I love the fact that with just a few recent unfortunate exceptions country songs are what I can play on the radio and have my young child sing along without worrying about the words. I still find myself having to surprisingly quickly change the station once the song with the lyrics “I’ve got my toes in the water… in the sand” seems to be played every 5 minutes-not child friendly!.  One of my favorite country singers is Brad Paisley whose songs are always wonderful and when his song “Letter To Me” came out I thought it was an odd name for a song but after listening to the words it is so true and I am at a point in my life right now that I wish I could “write a letter to me.”

The gist of the song is a man who is looking back at the difficulties he had in his life and after having perspective wishes he could go back in time and tell himself that things would get easier. I love the entire song but my favorite line is the last line which is “ I wish you wouldn’t worry, let it be, I’d say have a little faith and you’ll see, If I could write a letter to me.”  I remember when my young child heard that song and was very confused because they asked me why Brad Paisley would write a letter to himself? I agreed at the time but now after going through a difficult period in my life the song is now my theme song.

Recently I as I am sure everyone has at one point I hit a point where I felt everything was going wrong in my life.  Yesterday after one of the most challenging days with my child that I have ever had since they have been alive I was at my breaking point.  Then I honestly heard this song on the radio and my tears of frustration stopped.  I looked back at the points of my life when I was going through extremely difficult times-my mom dying from cancer at a young age, thinking I would never find love or having a family, me being diagnosed with cancer when my child was 5 months old followed by the fight of my life when I did not think I would live, potty training, the first day of preschool which I felt my heart breaking and then I looked at myself where I am today. I miss my mother more than words could say but I try to keep her alive in my memories, I am celebrating 5 years of being cancer free this year, I have a wonderful husband and my child is getting ready to graduate from preschool.  I survived all of those extremely difficult periods of my life. So now as my child’s youth is quickly passing me by and I am finding that I am spending most of my days frustrated by the trials and tribulations of motherhood I thought of the Brad Paisley song.  I wish I could write a letter to myself when I was going through all of my difficult times over the past several years and tell myself that I would get through all of the heartache. I also wish I could fast forward 20 years into the future when my child has grown up and “write a letter to me” today telling me as a mom that I will surive all of the lessons that I am trying to teach my child today.  I need to remember that although the past few weeks have been difficult that my child is growing up very quickly and I do not want to miss a moment. I know that someday I will look back at the trials and tribulations of motherhood that I am facing now and long for the days when I was lucky to stay at home with my child and although there have been some major behavioral frustrations recently I was still lucky. I just wish that the “letter to me” from the future with a postmark 20 years from now could be delivered today!

Here are the lyrics for “Letter To Me” from Brad Paisley:

“Letter To Me” from Brad Paisley

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know its tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

[1st Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me

At the stop sign at Tomlinson and Eighth
Always stop completely don't just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridgett make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and dad is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Brinkman
She spend so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishing you 'til you shine

[2nd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom and dad will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me

You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I'd end up saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life

I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. "go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can"

[3rd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you'd study Spanish
I wish you'd take a typing class
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see

If I could write a letter to me
To me

Mom-also known as-Julie McCoy “Love Boat” Cruise Director

I am going to date myself when I write this-I will be the “Big 40” this year and growing up “The Love Boat” was always one of my favorite shows. One of my favorite characters on the show was Julie McCoy who was the Cruise Director who planned all of the social activities on the boat and kept a smile on her face as she was overworked and answering a million questions about what passengers were going to do to keep themselves busy on the ship. I even remember playing dress up as a child and pretended to be Julie McCoy.  This week I was Julie McCoy, Cruise Director and my ship was the S.S. Spring Break and my passenger was my young child.  First let me clarify I looked forward to Spring Break for months because my child is now in school and although I know they love school I miss my child terribly during the day.  So the thought of being able to spend over a week with my child really excited me. I found myself searching the Internet and asking friends for ideas about fun things that I could do with my child.  Then I made the mistake of telling my child that each day of Spring Break would hold a new adventure.  What seemed like a good idea to tell them at the time quickly became a pressure tactic by my child for a new and exciting adventure planned by me.  My husband warned me to keep my ideas for activities to myself so if I found myself exhausted I would not feel the pressure to complete the activities I told our child I planned for us.  I told him I would tell our child so they would have something to look forward to-as much as it pains me to say it especially in print I should have listened to my husband.  Luckily my husband has not said “I told you so” yet but the week is not over yet. So last Friday was my child’s first day of Spring Break and full of motivation I took my child to the zoo.  After fighting for a place in the crowd to see the monkeys I was exhausted but my child simply asked “what is next?” Saturday came and with my husband in tow we went to a local Easter Party at a park which was fun but a lot of activity followed by a great Easter Parade on Sunday. Monday came with the inevitable “what is next?” which my husband helped me with a day off of work and kept our child entertained with a trip to the nursery to buy trees. Then Tuesday I was on my own as Cruise Director. A trip to the library was a perfect outing but on the way home I again was asked “what is next?”  My reply of “It’s a surprise went on deaf ears so Wednesday I found 2 local history museums which were wonderful to see with the excitement in my child’s eyes. Still less than 30 seconds as we were walking out of the museum I was asked the dreaded “what is next?”  Thursday came and I took my child roller skating which was a fun experience and now on Friday after a day at the local bookstore story time followed by a puppet show at the library I am anxiously awaiting my husband’s arrival so the Cruise Director can have an adult beverage.  Tomorrow we have a final planned activity planned for the week but the Cruise Director will have the assistance of Gopher-my husband ;]  Yes it has been a fun week and I am pretty proud of myself for being able to plan a great week of activities with my child.  I know that on Monday when they return to school I will miss the role of Cruise Director but I will reassume the role this summer.  As I was exhausted this afternoon all of my exhaustion went out the window when my child drew me a picture to “thank me for being a great mom” in their words.  As the song says “The Love Boat-soon we will be making another run.”

Free time for moms-what is that?

I heard a news report today that made me stop and question what a so called expert said about stay at home moms having 30 to 40 hours of free time a week. What!!!!  I heard the headline and immediately stopped in my tracks for the 30 seconds I had to stop what I was doing. A Time-use researcher named John Robinson (okay first what is a “time-use researcher" and can I please have that job if I can find the time) has published a study which claims that mothers have 30 to 40 hours of free/leisure time a week and that mothers aren’t doing nearly as much in the home and in childrearing that they did 20 years ago.  To further even more moms yelling at him Robinson claims that mothers and fathers have nearly equal workloads while mothers have more leisure time.  Let me start by reminding my readers that I love being a wife and mother. It is the best thing that I have ever done or ever will do in my life. But as I heard this story reported on the radio this morning I had just finished dropping my child off at preschool, starting laundry, going to the grocery store, running about 4 errands for my family, picking my child up at preschool, doing another load of laundry, dusting, vacuuming, planning school activities for my child, doing team parent responsibilities for my child’s sports team, and planning dinner all before noon.  As I am writing this blog I am getting interrupted by my child asking me to play with them after just taking them to the playground and playing sports outside with them for an hour.  At the same time I am prepping dinner and oh by the way the dryer and washer just signaled that they are both done so I have to go take care of my family’s laundry.   After I fold and sort I then need to prepare a well balanced dinner for my family, do the dishes and then around 10:00 pm I may be able to sit down.  Again I am not saying this to complain about my life-I love my life and would not change a thing about it.  When I was working full-time before we had children I started my day at 8 ended it around 6 and went home.  A mother does not have a time clock.  From the time a mother stay at home or not gets up to the time she falls asleep and only if one of her children sleeps through the night a mother is working.  My husband has a very demanding job and works long hours and I am so fortunate that he finds the energy because of his love of our family to help when he gets home at night but my day at as a mom does not end.  Mom’s do not get sick time, lunch breaks, vacation time.  Being a mother is a full time 24 hour a day 7 day a week job and it is the best most important job in the world in my opinion.  That is why it infuriates me when a “time use researcher” puts these fallacies for lack of a better word out as facts because until someone walks in a mother’s shoes do not judge how a mother spends her time.  I tried to think of how Robinson came up with his conclusions but to be honest I do not have the time to prove him wrong.  I just looked at the clock and I have about 10 minutes to fold laundry before I have to make dinner.  I had better run-I just used 3 minutes of my 30-40 hours of leisure time!

Sometimes It is Hard To Be a Mom.

Hello to my Daily Mommy News Friends.  I am going to be very honest and open today about being a mom.  First of all let me please say I absolutely love being a mom.  Being a mom was the best thing other than my husband that has ever happened to me.  I love my child more than life itself and would give my life for them in a heartbeat.  That being said being a mom is not easy.  There are thousands of books out there and even more people who want to give you advice on being a mom. But what all of those books and well meaning people need to understand is that motherhood cannot come with an instruction manual because all children are different.  It more than frustrates me when I hear moms go on and on about how perfectly behaved their child is because lets be honest please-no child is perfect.  When I hear these moms go on and on it also makes me doubt my abilities as a mom when I am having a bad day and just want another mom to listen not compare my child to theirs.  Overall my child is good but my child and I have been having a test of wills for a few weeks now and I find myself screaming more than I would like and already at their very young age my child is portraying me as the bad guy while they portray my husband as the perfect parent.  Just last night for example I found my husband fixing a toy and when I asked him why he was doing that he told me although he doubted my child’s statement he was told by our child that I had refused to fix it which in reality I was never asked to fix the toy nor did I know that it was broken.  I am already getting pre- teenage responses from a child whose age is in the single digits.  Everything seems to be a battle and I get up each day just trying to spend time with my young child knowing those moments are precious and that someday that they will not want to spend time with me. I start each day with a positive attitude but by breakfast after battling with just a small window of time before school to have my child eat, get dressed etc I already am frustrated.  I keep trying and trying to have patience but also I know that during these formative years my job is to be a parent and teach my child right from wrong so sometimes I admittedly overreact but it is so hard to find the balance between ignoring and disciplining.  This morning I reflected on my childhood to see what my mom did with me hoping with reflection on myself I could find some guidance because unfortunately my mom passed away so I cannot ask her.  I keep trying everything to make myself a better mom and feel like each day I try but lately have been failing miserably.  I want my child to be well behaved but I also want my child to enjoy being around me.  My mom was my best friend and I want my child to say that when she is my age.  So what I am trying to say is the next time a fellow mom asks you for advice please do not positively spin your advice.  Please be honest and admit your failures and frustrations because although we all love being a mom sometimes it is very hard to be a mom.  That is not a negative statement-it is an honest one.

Mommy Friendly Recipe-Year Round Barbequed Steak on the Stove!

Hi to my Daily Mommy News Friends!  I wanted to share the recipe below with you for steak which you can cook on the stove.  The recipe is great and very easy!  I love steak on the barbeque but that is difficult to do year around with the cold weather and rain.  We recently went out to dinner and ordered steak and unfortunately it has not been good at 2 different restaurants.  My husband planned to barbeque steak this past weekend but unfortunately our barbeque needs repaired so I used the recipe below which I have used about a dozen times and it has turned out great!  Many of my friends have asked me for it when my husband raves about how well I cook a steak on the stove (thanks to my husband for the compliment) so I wanted to share it with you.  I found the recipe online about a year ago on a steak enthusiast website and when I have used it my steaks have always turned out great!  I use New York Strip steaks and you can find 4 large New York Strip steaks at a reasonable price at Costco for much less than you would pay for a steak when you go out to a restaurant.  After our bad steak experiences at restaurants lately my husband says he will not have steak at another restaurant after I used the recipe below this past Sunday.

Enjoy!

Barbequed Steak on the Stove!

Ingredients

Olive Oil-I use Olive for the healthiness but vegetable oil would be fine too

Red Wine

Garlic

Lawry’s Seasoning Salt

Pepper

Worcestershire sauce

Garlic Salt

Your favorite steak-I use New York Strip Steaks but any Steak will do

Large deep non-stick skillet

Aluminum Foil

Directions

Marinate your steaks in Red Wine, Fresh Garlic or Garlic Powder and Worcestershire sauce for as long as possible. Bring your steaks to room temperature.  The cooking times given are for steaks about 1inch to 1 ¼ inches thick.

Heat your skillet over medium-high heat until very hot, and then add enough oil to cover the bottom of your pan to a depth about one-quarter of an inch. When the oil begins to smoke put your steaks in the pan about one-half inch apart.  Once they are in the pan let them cook until you can pick up the steak easily with a rubber spatula (about 3 minutes). An easy way to test is to see if the steak moves easily in the pan.  If they do not move easily wait a little longer. Then flip the steak and cook it 3 minutes more on the uncooked side. For medium rare steaks then turn the heat down to medium and flip them over to the seared side first.  Cook about 4 to 5 minutes and then flip the steak and cook 4 to 5 minutes on the other side.  Remove from the pan and place on a plate and cover with aluminum foil and let sit 10 minutes before serving.

Daily Mommy News-Don’t Get Ripped Off!

I taught my child a lesson this afternoon and I wanted to also share the lesson with you in the hopes that you will avoid something that has happened to me on more than one occasion but today happened not once but three times at three separate stores and that was getting overcharged for items that I purchased or in my young child’s words “mommy you almost got ripped off!”

I am an extremely careful shopper all of the time but especially now in these uncertain economic times.  If the recession is over I have not seen evidence that it is.  So I went to 3 stores today-2 of which are large national chains that everyone claims are discount stores whose goal is to “save you money.”  I will not mention the names of the stores but trust me the stores I went to do not have saving us money as a true goal.  Last week I went to one of these national stores to buy an item and when I went to check out the item came up over 50 percent more than the price stated on the shelf.  I saw that as I was checking out and let the employee know that immediately whose response was “well that is what the computer said so that is the price.”  Wow-really, was this a response that you should give a customer-I do not think so!  So I asked for a price check and after waiting 5 minutes (I watched the time on my watch) the store employee sauntered back and said “give it to her, the price in the computer is wrong.”  No apology, no nothing just a begrudging “give it to her.”

Well reluctantly I went back to that same large store today, not because I wanted to but because I knew what I had to purchase was less there.  I had 5 items to get and knew that unfortunately the best place to buy them was there.  Again I did not want to go there but I wanted to save money.  So I went to check out and and all 5 items came up in the computer 25 percent higher than the price on the shelf!  Again I asked for a price check and got the same negative attitude and the last thing I wanted to do was wait especially with a tired and hungry child.  Yet again the employee came back after doing a price check and said the price on the computer was wrong and I was right!  Wow!  So I continued my marathon errand day and went to that store’s competition to get one item.

Upon reaching the other large name store to get my one item I checked out and looked at my receipt.  Not again.  I dreaded going to challenge this receipt as much as a root canal after dealing with it at the other store less than 20 minutes earlier.  But I did-what is right is right especially with my money.  Sure enough-the computer was wrong and they had not changed the sale price yet so my receipt was wrong-again!! So after winning yet another price fight I headed to my favorite grocery store.

As moms lets be honest we all dread going to the grocery store with our children.  In fact I ran into a friend of mine there who was without her children and she looked like a kid on Christmas morning and even told me she was having such a wonderful time grocery shopping by herself.  I understood the excitement in her voice and although she was talking about grocery shopping her excitement level was like she was at the spa!  So I quickly shopped and checked out and looked at my receipt and in incredible disbelief saw that an item that was on my receipt had been charged twice when I only bought one item.  Again I went to customer service and at this store if they do that they give you the item for free but even the customer service person said “this has been happening a lot.”

So in less than 3 hours I was overcharged at 3 separate stores-all large chains.  I was the one who noticed the overcharging by watching the computer cash register check me out and also instantly looking at my receipt.  As moms we all know how hard this is to do when you have a child in melt down mode as my child was today when I would not give them the free cookie they wanted from the bakery because they had not eaten well today.  But saving money is important and unlike the motto of the stores I was in they proved not only today but also on previous occasions where this has happened to me at least a dozen times that the price you think you are paying is not always the price that you are paying.  So check your receipts and as my young child told me today “mama nobody rips you off!”