Mommy Guilt!

Mommy Guilt.  Something I never experienced before I was a mommy and I have been struggling with it all week.  It has come in different forms this week.  My child who is about to go into first grade is in the difficult phase of independence versus dependence. They had a chore chart which went by the wayside about 2 months ago because of the constant struggle to get it completed and the cries of every morning that "mommy I do not know how."  So I have decided to give my child some empowerment and show them how to do the necessary tasks and then tell them that it is their responsibility to complete the tasks. Now before you think that I am Cinderella's evil stepmother there are 2 morning tasks on the chart-get dressed and make your bed. Both seem to be a constant struggle but with a month (39 days but who is counting because I feel mommy guilt for counting) before school starts I am willing to take that battle on.  So this morning I showed them how to make their bed for about the millionth time and then told them to try to do it.  Instead I was greeted with a "mommy I do not know how" throw yourself on the floor and do not watch me show them how tantrum. Now I could have done it for them but I need them to learn so my calm response was " I just showed you, you can do it" and I left the room and went downstairs. The screaming of "mommy you are so mean" instantly started and my mommy guilt set in. I could have gone upstairs and done it but instead chose to turn the radio up to drown out the tantrum-mommy guilt. After about 10 minutes I found quiet-my radio was still up don't get me wrong but upstairs I heard nothing. So I went upstairs to find a made bed, an unhappy child but a made bed. Again the "mommy you are mean" set in. Well the mean mommy felt bad and guilty but then I stepped back and realized I did the right thing because my child needs to learn tasks and it is my job as a parent to show them. I love my mom more than life but unfortunately did not learn how to cook, clean or sew growing up because I too gave my mom "mommy guilt" and she did it all for me. Now with my mom having passed away I have no chance to learn from her and I want my child to learn to do things and be self confident and succeed.  No the bed is not perfect but they made it and that is what counts. As I said my mommy guilt has come in many forms this week. Every morning this "mean mommy" takes my child to an amazing summer camp where every day in their words they "love it."  While they are at camp I have made sure the laundry, errands and cleaning is done but I have also done some things I love. After a summer of 2 VBS camps which I taught at and loved, swimming lessons, art camp, dance class, day trips, play dates for my child I am exhausted. I have loved every minute of it but I am exhausted from fighting with the "I'm bored" monster which to this point I have beat-kind of. Well Monday the "I'm bored" monster comes back for 5 weeks so this week I have read books, walked, ridden the treadmill (it is no longer dusty) and yesterday went to a movie during the day by myself and I loved it!  I had such a wonderful time although my husband thought that was an odd choice of things to do for me. Yes I could have been home dusting and cleaning toilets but I can do that next week while fighting off the " I'm bored" monster. This week I was able to go sit in a cool theater and not be called a "mean mommy" and for 2 hours watch a total chick flick which I loved which is "Friends With Benefits."   I laughed and cried. It is a wonderful movie about relationships and also about parents which I thought was great. Justin Timberlake is great in it too and is great to look at-lets be honest-wife guilt, although my husband understands that Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw and Blake Shelton are allowed for me to look at ;]  While I was sitting in the movie I honestly felt guilty for not being home cleaning while my child was at camp.  Why?  I do not know.  I do not understand mommy guilt. From trying to teach my child how to do age appropriate tasks to me taking 2 hours for me instead of dust,  why can’t I conquer this mommy guilt? Well I have a few hours before camp is over and the "I'm bored" monster shows up so I am going to go have a cup of coffee-in my kitchen and try to breathe and not suffer from mommy guilt for one last day.