Mommy Guilt. Something I never experienced before I was a mommy and I have been struggling with it all week. It has come in different forms this week. My child who is about to go into first grade is in the difficult phase of independence versus dependence. They had a chore chart which went by the wayside about 2 months ago because of the constant struggle to get it completed and the cries of every morning that "mommy I do not know how." So I have decided to give my child some empowerment and show them how to do the necessary tasks and then tell them that it is their responsibility to complete the tasks. Now before you think that I am Cinderella's evil stepmother there are 2 morning tasks on the chart-get dressed and make your bed. Both seem to be a constant struggle but with a month (39 days but who is counting because I feel mommy guilt for counting) before school starts I am willing to take that battle on. So this morning I showed them how to make their bed for about the millionth time and then told them to try to do it. Instead I was greeted with a "mommy I do not know how" throw yourself on the floor and do not watch me show them how tantrum. Now I could have done it for them but I need them to learn so my calm response was " I just showed you, you can do it" and I left the room and went downstairs. The screaming of "mommy you are so mean" instantly started and my mommy guilt set in. I could have gone upstairs and done it but instead chose to turn the radio up to drown out the tantrum-mommy guilt. After about 10 minutes I found quiet-my radio was still up don't get me wrong but upstairs I heard nothing. So I went upstairs to find a made bed, an unhappy child but a made bed. Again the "mommy you are mean" set in. Well the mean mommy felt bad and guilty but then I stepped back and realized I did the right thing because my child needs to learn tasks and it is my job as a parent to show them. I love my mom more than life but unfortunately did not learn how to cook, clean or sew growing up because I too gave my mom "mommy guilt" and she did it all for me. Now with my mom having passed away I have no chance to learn from her and I want my child to learn to do things and be self confident and succeed. No the bed is not perfect but they made it and that is what counts. As I said my mommy guilt has come in many forms this week. Every morning this "mean mommy" takes my child to an amazing summer camp where every day in their words they "love it." While they are at camp I have made sure the laundry, errands and cleaning is done but I have also done some things I love. After a summer of 2 VBS camps which I taught at and loved, swimming lessons, art camp, dance class, day trips, play dates for my child I am exhausted. I have loved every minute of it but I am exhausted from fighting with the "I'm bored" monster which to this point I have beat-kind of. Well Monday the "I'm bored" monster comes back for 5 weeks so this week I have read books, walked, ridden the treadmill (it is no longer dusty) and yesterday went to a movie during the day by myself and I loved it! I had such a wonderful time although my husband thought that was an odd choice of things to do for me. Yes I could have been home dusting and cleaning toilets but I can do that next week while fighting off the " I'm bored" monster. This week I was able to go sit in a cool theater and not be called a "mean mommy" and for 2 hours watch a total chick flick which I loved which is "Friends With Benefits." I laughed and cried. It is a wonderful movie about relationships and also about parents which I thought was great. Justin Timberlake is great in it too and is great to look at-lets be honest-wife guilt, although my husband understands that Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw and Blake Shelton are allowed for me to look at ;] While I was sitting in the movie I honestly felt guilty for not being home cleaning while my child was at camp. Why? I do not know. I do not understand mommy guilt. From trying to teach my child how to do age appropriate tasks to me taking 2 hours for me instead of dust, why can’t I conquer this mommy guilt? Well I have a few hours before camp is over and the "I'm bored" monster shows up so I am going to go have a cup of coffee-in my kitchen and try to breathe and not suffer from mommy guilt for one last day.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Mommy Morning Guilt
Mornings.. Before I was a mom it was difficult to get myself out of bed, dressed and off to work in the morning. Now when that alarm goes off I have the same reaction but a much longer to do list. I get up walk the dog, feed the dog, prepare lunch for my child, plan breakfast, get my child up and dressed, make 2 beds, feed my child, pack their backpack and somehow try to make myself semi-presentable. That is my to do list every morning and although I always think I will be running late I always manage to get it all done somehow. Now that you know my to do list let me share my child's who is going into first grade this year. Get up, eat. Yet somehow those 2 tasks seem enormous to them and daily I find myself getting a preview of the teenage years. This morning after making my child a beautiful breakfast of eggs, fresh strawberries and a muffin (all their favorites) to start their day on a positive note by doing something nice for them I was greeted by the normal mantra of "mommy you are not the boss of me!" and my all time favorite line of "I am not going to eat and you can't make me." Then after packing their favorite lunch which they ate happily in the past I am greeted with a "yuck." and "how could you pack that for me." Wow! Well if this was an unusual experience I would attribute their behavior to it being a Tuesday, the heat, the time, is there a full moon? But it is not unusual. I have asked for solutions from my mommy friends whose answers have ranged to "not them, they are too sweet to do that" to "my child would never do that" (really?) to "ignore them and let them starve"-thanks to the friend who helps me with that, she is my mommy hero-she knows who she is. While taking all of those suggestions into consideration I still feel so bad if I send my child off for a long day at school or a camp without having them eat breakfast and also in a bad mood. Yes I know that is their choice to behave that way but they forget about the morning's events five minutes after I send them off for a fun day at school or camp and I am left with mommy morning guilt. So although I know right now my child is having a wonderful fun day I am having a day of guilt. My child's guilt is absolved and will be forgotten when they see me later today. My guilt will probably not be resolved until tomorrow morning at this same time after breakfast.
Monday, July 25, 2011
No More Mommy Mountains Out Of Molehills!
Hi to my "Daily Mommy News" followers. I apologize that it has been so long since I have written but I will explain. I like most moms I know do not have time do do a lot of things that I love. I am not complaining when I say that. I love my life but in the hustle and bustle of the daily routine something that will only take a minute to do seems like an insurmountable task. I often find myself "making mountains out of molehills." The book that I would love to read collects dust on my nightstand, the treadmill I love to ride also needs dusting, (yes dust is my enemy) the friend who I would love to call never gets the call because they live in a different time zone. Last week I found myself overwhelmed with life. Summer is supposed to be a relaxing time bust instead I have found myself busier than I am during the school year and as I look at the calendar the summer is almost over. The breaking point was last week when I was at a doctor's appointment and the innocent woman who was registering me for my medical tests asked me my occupation which I answered as "a stay at home mom." So she without even looking at me said "so you are unemployed." Then her follow-up question was " I see you just have the one child?" I simply answered yes and her response was "you are lucky; you must not be very busy." WOW! Again I described her as an "innocent woman" because she chose the wrong day to say that to me. I replied "well lets see this summer has consisted of two VBS camps, art camp, swim lessons, play dates, and doing everything to keep my child occupied. At the same time I did 5 loads of laundry, went grocery shopping, vacuumed, cleaned the house, took the dog to the vet, prepared 3 meals for my family and that was all before 2pm yesterday so I guess you could call me unemployed and bored." She just looked at me and unapologetically continued with the registration process. As I walked away I thought of apologizing for my reaction but instead I felt empowered and proud of myself. Before I had a child I did not know how much fun it could be, even the simple tasks. No I am never bored to say the least because as moms we all know that our children's boredom especially during the summer is the mom's worse enemy. But I love my life. I love being a room mom, team mom, cook, chauffer, activities organizer, nurse, teacher and friend. Most of all I love being a mom and wife and those roles are the best roles I could ever have. Unemployed? No. Bored? Never. Busy? Yes? But I love every minute of my Daily Mommy News! Now I am off to dust-yeah right. I found a better way to dust, I just rode the treadmill!
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