“If I Could Write A Letter To Me”

“If I Could Write A Letter To Me”

I love all types of music but one of my favorites is Country Music.  I love the wholesomeness and truth of the lyrics and I love the fact that with just a few recent unfortunate exceptions country songs are what I can play on the radio and have my young child sing along without worrying about the words. I still find myself having to surprisingly quickly change the station once the song with the lyrics “I’ve got my toes in the water… in the sand” seems to be played every 5 minutes-not child friendly!.  One of my favorite country singers is Brad Paisley whose songs are always wonderful and when his song “Letter To Me” came out I thought it was an odd name for a song but after listening to the words it is so true and I am at a point in my life right now that I wish I could “write a letter to me.”

The gist of the song is a man who is looking back at the difficulties he had in his life and after having perspective wishes he could go back in time and tell himself that things would get easier. I love the entire song but my favorite line is the last line which is “ I wish you wouldn’t worry, let it be, I’d say have a little faith and you’ll see, If I could write a letter to me.”  I remember when my young child heard that song and was very confused because they asked me why Brad Paisley would write a letter to himself? I agreed at the time but now after going through a difficult period in my life the song is now my theme song.

Recently I as I am sure everyone has at one point I hit a point where I felt everything was going wrong in my life.  Yesterday after one of the most challenging days with my child that I have ever had since they have been alive I was at my breaking point.  Then I honestly heard this song on the radio and my tears of frustration stopped.  I looked back at the points of my life when I was going through extremely difficult times-my mom dying from cancer at a young age, thinking I would never find love or having a family, me being diagnosed with cancer when my child was 5 months old followed by the fight of my life when I did not think I would live, potty training, the first day of preschool which I felt my heart breaking and then I looked at myself where I am today. I miss my mother more than words could say but I try to keep her alive in my memories, I am celebrating 5 years of being cancer free this year, I have a wonderful husband and my child is getting ready to graduate from preschool.  I survived all of those extremely difficult periods of my life. So now as my child’s youth is quickly passing me by and I am finding that I am spending most of my days frustrated by the trials and tribulations of motherhood I thought of the Brad Paisley song.  I wish I could write a letter to myself when I was going through all of my difficult times over the past several years and tell myself that I would get through all of the heartache. I also wish I could fast forward 20 years into the future when my child has grown up and “write a letter to me” today telling me as a mom that I will surive all of the lessons that I am trying to teach my child today.  I need to remember that although the past few weeks have been difficult that my child is growing up very quickly and I do not want to miss a moment. I know that someday I will look back at the trials and tribulations of motherhood that I am facing now and long for the days when I was lucky to stay at home with my child and although there have been some major behavioral frustrations recently I was still lucky. I just wish that the “letter to me” from the future with a postmark 20 years from now could be delivered today!

Here are the lyrics for “Letter To Me” from Brad Paisley:

“Letter To Me” from Brad Paisley

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know its tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

[1st Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me

At the stop sign at Tomlinson and Eighth
Always stop completely don't just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridgett make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and dad is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Brinkman
She spend so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishing you 'til you shine

[2nd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom and dad will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me

You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I'd end up saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life

I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. "go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can"

[3rd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you'd study Spanish
I wish you'd take a typing class
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see

If I could write a letter to me
To me

Mom-also known as-Julie McCoy “Love Boat” Cruise Director

I am going to date myself when I write this-I will be the “Big 40” this year and growing up “The Love Boat” was always one of my favorite shows. One of my favorite characters on the show was Julie McCoy who was the Cruise Director who planned all of the social activities on the boat and kept a smile on her face as she was overworked and answering a million questions about what passengers were going to do to keep themselves busy on the ship. I even remember playing dress up as a child and pretended to be Julie McCoy.  This week I was Julie McCoy, Cruise Director and my ship was the S.S. Spring Break and my passenger was my young child.  First let me clarify I looked forward to Spring Break for months because my child is now in school and although I know they love school I miss my child terribly during the day.  So the thought of being able to spend over a week with my child really excited me. I found myself searching the Internet and asking friends for ideas about fun things that I could do with my child.  Then I made the mistake of telling my child that each day of Spring Break would hold a new adventure.  What seemed like a good idea to tell them at the time quickly became a pressure tactic by my child for a new and exciting adventure planned by me.  My husband warned me to keep my ideas for activities to myself so if I found myself exhausted I would not feel the pressure to complete the activities I told our child I planned for us.  I told him I would tell our child so they would have something to look forward to-as much as it pains me to say it especially in print I should have listened to my husband.  Luckily my husband has not said “I told you so” yet but the week is not over yet. So last Friday was my child’s first day of Spring Break and full of motivation I took my child to the zoo.  After fighting for a place in the crowd to see the monkeys I was exhausted but my child simply asked “what is next?” Saturday came and with my husband in tow we went to a local Easter Party at a park which was fun but a lot of activity followed by a great Easter Parade on Sunday. Monday came with the inevitable “what is next?” which my husband helped me with a day off of work and kept our child entertained with a trip to the nursery to buy trees. Then Tuesday I was on my own as Cruise Director. A trip to the library was a perfect outing but on the way home I again was asked “what is next?”  My reply of “It’s a surprise went on deaf ears so Wednesday I found 2 local history museums which were wonderful to see with the excitement in my child’s eyes. Still less than 30 seconds as we were walking out of the museum I was asked the dreaded “what is next?”  Thursday came and I took my child roller skating which was a fun experience and now on Friday after a day at the local bookstore story time followed by a puppet show at the library I am anxiously awaiting my husband’s arrival so the Cruise Director can have an adult beverage.  Tomorrow we have a final planned activity planned for the week but the Cruise Director will have the assistance of Gopher-my husband ;]  Yes it has been a fun week and I am pretty proud of myself for being able to plan a great week of activities with my child.  I know that on Monday when they return to school I will miss the role of Cruise Director but I will reassume the role this summer.  As I was exhausted this afternoon all of my exhaustion went out the window when my child drew me a picture to “thank me for being a great mom” in their words.  As the song says “The Love Boat-soon we will be making another run.”